Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
