just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
