You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
