dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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