Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
