Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
