I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
