No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize