the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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