dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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