Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
