just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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