very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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