you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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