Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
