I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
