Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
