pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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