it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
