why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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