I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
