we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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