u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I bet he comes in French.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
