Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
