drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
So much Jack, so little girl.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
