There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
