My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Randomize
