He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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