Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
