That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize