We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
