so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Found your dick twin last night
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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