How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
