That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I have post one night stand depression
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
