Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
