My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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