I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
So much Jack, so little girl.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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