For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Randomize
