your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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