Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
