Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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