Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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