I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
