Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
