Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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