she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Randomize
