it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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