Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Randomize
