don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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