every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
