Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
