Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
