it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Randomize
