guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
