How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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