In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
