apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
