Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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