my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
