And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
