Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Randomize
