yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
