butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
