And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
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