Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
and she was petting her beer can
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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