I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
