I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
